Beneath The Exterior
by willow fire
Summary: THIS NEEDS A TOTAL START OVER. I'm working on it, I promise. Reviews for where it should go are muchly appreciated!
1. A bad day

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of NCIS or characters or affiliated materials, even though that would be awesome.**

Ziva locked the door of her apartment, walked down the corridor and pressed the button for the elevator. This was not the day to tackle the stairs. As she got inside, she rummaged through her bag to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Wallet? Check. Phone? Check. Keys? Duh. Then she remembered something else. _'Agh! Where is it?'_ she searched the contents of her bag. No Panadol. She checked her watch and decided she didn't have time to buy any on her way to work. It was going to be a long day. She as already running late because there had been a power cut and her back up alarm was running 20 minutes behind. Both of these things made her angry, however she put 'change alarm clock' and 'BUY PANADOL' on her mental to-do list, along with 'search desk drawer for Panadol'. No doubt Tony would have found any in there and used it to relieve numerous hangovers. She was sure there would be none left but decided to check anyway.

On arriving at work, Ziva discovered several things, the first of which was that there were no current cases – that meant paperwork and not field work and today she was thankful. The second thing confirmed her prediction; Tony had indeed stolen all of her Panadol and not replaced it. She was furious and glared at her colleague who was grinning stupidly behind his desk, batting his eyelids.

"Isn't it such a charming morning, Miss David?"

Ziva took a big breath and answered as nicely as she could. "Yes Tony. Did you steal my Panadol without asking and fail to put more in there?"

"Well yeah, but it's not like you ever need it, I mean, I've never seen you use it and you don't get 'real man' headaches like me." He kept grinning.

"Has it ever occurred to your pathetic existence that I might get pain _other_ than headaches?" She snapped back.

"Ooh, feisty! Do I think correctly when I think–"

"Morning everyone!" Ziva could almost kiss McGee for saving her pride from DiNozzo, who was now smirking triumphantly. She continued to glare back. McGee handed her the usual morning coffee. "Thanks, Tim," she smiled. _'You saved me.'_ She added silently.

The three agents sipped their coffee. Gibbs was on an errand for director Vance and they only had deskwork to do today. Ziva decided not to bring the Panadol situation up with McGee as it would only provoke Tony further and she really couldn't handle that right now. She decided that she would finish her work and then go and talk to Abby. Ziva trusted the bouncy Goth and as she was the only girl Ziva knew in the building and had one of everything in her lab, she seemed like a great option, especially as she offered counselling and helpful advice. The fact that she was exceedingly welcoming helped as well.

Halfway through the morning Ziva and McGee were working silently and efficiently, but Tony was bored, and as it was Tony, he began to make irritating noises with various items of stationery. Ziva glared at him and felt her face heat up. She was angry and he was enjoying every second of it. Just as she opened her mouth to snap at him, she gasped instead. A wave of pain rolled through her, as if she had been punched in the stomach. She closed her eyes and pressed her hands to her stomach in agony. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but the voice of her father came to her ears; _"Crying is a sign of weakness,"_ and she certainly wasn't about to cry in front of Tony, she's never live it down. After several seconds, she opened her eyes to see Tony silently mocking her, triumph in his expression. This was a vast contrast to McGee, caring innocent, naive Timothy McGee looking over at her with worry in his eyes.

"You all right?" he asked.

Tony answered before her, "Yeah, she fine, she's just got her –"

"Shhhh!" Ziva cut him off sharply. "This is not appropriate, some of us are trying to work!" McGee looked somewhat shocked but understanding and sympathetic all the same. _'Thank God for decent men.'_ She thought.

After and awkward pause, Ziva and McGee went back to work, but DiNozzo just had to make Ziva crack. He stood up and walked over to her desk. Even though Ziva was sitting down, she was not at all intimidated by his tall stature looming over the desk. "What?" her question was sharp and simple.

"Well," started DiNozzo, pacing and kicking her desk as he did so. "How's that pain working out for you?"

McGee looked genuinely frightened. _'Don't leave,'_ Ziva begged him silently. McGee seemed to notice her tortured expression and stayed where he was, as if to protect DiNozzo from the mess he was about to get himself into. Instead, Tony decided to dig himself deeper into it by selecting pens and other items of stationery from Ziva's desk and dropping them on the floor, one by one, beside her chair. Her expression was hard.

"That was the last straw." She growled through clenched teeth. "Go away and no one gets hurt." The ringing of a telephone came at the right moment, and Tony left her alone. Ziva bent down to pick up her pens. However, as she did so, another surge of pain shot through her. She stopped and gasped again, hugging her torso. _'Even being held at gunpoint is preferable to this.'_ She mused. As she waited for it to pass, she checked her watch again. Nearly lunchtime. She decided to eat in the squad room so she could finish her work at the same time so she could go and see Abby sooner. Not that she was hungry, but wholegrain crackers weren't going to do any harm. When Ziva sat up, she realised Tony and McGee had bee mouthing something to each other, probably about Tony being so stupid and inconsiderate.

After eating lunch, Ziva was almost finished the few things she had to do. Despite this, she was still required to be in the building for another four and a half hours. _'Plenty of time to see Abby,'_ she decided. She stole the opportunity while Tony and McGee were out getting their lunch to finish things off in peace. Her peace was short-lived. Tony marched back into the room with an enormous sandwich in his hand and an even more enormous grin plastered to his face. Blessedly, he was relatively silent as he chewed so Ziva started her last document. Suddenly, just as McGee was re-entering the bullpen, Ziva let out a moan. _'Ouch!'_ she winced. This time, however, the pain made her feel sick. She stood up and ran to the bathroom, pushing past McGee as she did so. A slightly surprised McGee returned to his seat.

"Women," remarked DiNozzo, rolling is eyes and taking another chunk out of his lunch.

"I'm really worried, do you think she's all right?" McGee was genuinely concerned.

"Ahh, Mc-Probie "a smile lit up Tony's face. "You really don't know anything, do you? Although I did cause this, well at least probably, because I stole all her Panadol." He opened his desk drawer and invited McGee to see the contents.

"Oh, gee... Tony!" McGee was annoyed for Ziva's sake. In the drawer there were a large collection of items which were quite obviously from Ziva's desk: a pile of hair elastics and headbands, a comb, a few pens, a stapler, a box of staples, some envelopes with her name on them, a large and mostly empty box of super-strength, super-fast-acting Panadol and, spied McGee, what was most probably Tony's prized item for annoying Ziva, a box of tampons. This was _not_ going to end well.

"You do realise Ziva is going to notice these are gone and want them back, don't you?" _'Soon,'_ he added to himself. "How could you be so inconsiderate? She wouldn't go though your desk, would she?" McGee was irritated.

"Ahh Probie-Mc-Stupid, of _course_ she's going to want them back, that's all part of my Master Plan. But I'm not going to give them back before she sees they're gone, what would be the point in that?"

McGee gave his workmate a frown and returned to his desk, helpless.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Ziva gripped the rim of the sink and breathe heavily. A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye and she sniffed. She kept breathing heavily and splashed cold water on her face. _'If Tony understood, if he had any idea...'_ she threatened him. And was determined not to cry. _'One day, one day.'_ If Gibbs were here, DiNozzo would not be acting this way and everyone knew that, especially DiNozzo. She dried her face and walked slowly back to her desk. _'Only 15 more minutes left to do,' _she reassured herself,_ 'Then today's torture might end.'_

Just as she expected, Tony was watching her suspiciously as she entered the room. She gave him a stare that said 'do anything more than breathe and you die'. McGee was sympathetic, "Do you want to go home?" he asked. Ziva smiled warmly at him and tried her best to be brave. "No thank you McGee, I'll be all right. I only have 15 minutes more to do today." McGee didn't look convinced, but started tapping at his computer anyway. Several minutes later, Ziva received and e-mail from him.

"_What's up? Tony? Virus? Stomach bug? What can I do?"_

She replied,

"_Thank you for your concern, but I am fine, it is none of those... Anyway, DiNozzo stole all of my Panadol, so unless you have any that's all you can do."_

"_Umm, all right. You just seemed to be... not yourself. Sorry, no Panadol, but I think there's a box in Tony's drawer. He showed it to me while you were in the bathroom. You might want to check it out later."_

"_Ok, will do."_ She thanked him and their silent conversation ended.

Finally, finally, Ziva had finished her work. She looked through her drawer to see what else Tony had taken from her, making a mental list as she did so. The letters from various cases that had been addressed to her. She could feel herself losing control already. What else? Girly things like spare hair ties and a couple of headbands, the pens and stapler were a minor thing, she could get one from someone else easily as they were NCIS property anyway. She though about the contents of her drawer, trying to remember what else was in there, a comb? Maybe, plus the Panadol. Then it struck her. _'Shit!'_ she cursed Tony loudly in her head. She remembered what else had been in there, buried so deeply under piles of lose paper and other junk – he had searched hard – what Ziva knew would indeed be his weapon of mass destruction, the tampons. _'Whatever happened to privacy?'_ she questioned the world.

Tony had been watching her this whole time and must have known what she was thinking because he was just about to fall out of his chair laughing. "Stay OUT of my things, DiNozzo!" Ziva's screech echoed through the bullpen. She stood up to leave, she had to get out of here before she put a round of bullets through his hands, preventing further rummaging.

"Where are you going?" Interrogated DiNozzo.

"To see Abby, is that all right?" flamed Ziva as she stormed out off.

"Ahh, women," repeated Tony, loud enough for Ziva to hear as she waited for the elevator. "They have so many problems."

"Gee, Tony." Remarked McGee. "Do you have any idea how hurtful you're being? Don't you realise how much pain she's in? Did you see the look on her face?" He gave Ziva a final sympathetic grimace as she disappeared inside the elevator.

**Ok, so this is my first fic. If you like it, please review and I will add more chapters.**


	2. Abby?

**Thanks for everyone's response!**

Abby, startled, turned around to see Ziva half stumble through the door to her lab. "Ziva! I didn't expect to see - oh my gosh, what's the matter?" She embraced Ziva in a warm, friendly, very Abby hug, almost crushing her. Ziva was thankful for it, but it was so tight that agony, sheer merciless agony reduced Ziva to her knees in a huddled, sobbing ball on the floor. "Oh no!" cried Abby. "What's wrong? Do you need an ambulance what can I do what do you need I should get Gibbs, Gibbs isn't here, I should get McGee what's going on?!"

"Abby, ABBY!" Ziva couldn't breathe and she was quickly losing patience. "I need Panadol; I will be all right, calm down. I just had to get away from Tony."

Abby helped Ziva up and sat her down at the back of her lab; they needed to talk. She got Ziva a box of Panadol and a glass of water (tough she doubted the ninja-assassin would need water to take them) and watched as her friend took 4 in one mouthful. "Geez," she commented. "Ok, spill."

Ziva gulped and set the glass of water on the table beside her. "Sorry, I am having a bad day, my alarm clock was wrong and then I didn't have any Panadol in my bag and then Tony stole all of mine for his stupid hangover and I really needed it! Not to mention the fact that he went through my desk drawer and stole half of my thing, and then deliberately tried to annoy me by being, well, himself, and then he tried to bring up an inappropriate conversation – well tried to – several times!" Abby could tell Ziva was tired and frustrated, but she needed more information to put the pieces together.

"I know Tony's annoying, but I've never seen you like this. You're always so strong. I mean, you were _crying_! Something is definitely wrong."

"Oh Abby," sighed Ziva. "I'm really mad at myself, really, because I was so unprepared. I guess you really have never seen me like this, being strong all the time is _much_ harder than it looks, but I have to, I mean NCIS would be nowhere if we sat around crying all the time. We all have our moments, but all through my childhood I was taught not to show emotion. After my mother and sister died, I had no one to go to. 'Trust no one' I was told. This made it very hard for us to have friends, people we could confide in." She was starting to cry again.

"Ziva, you can always come to me, you know that, don't you? I would never tell anyone. Especially not Tony." Winked Abby.

"I know, Abby, I just find it so hard to trust people, a-and I'm so thankful for all that you're doing. Seeing me like this must be such a shock." Ziva paused to word the next phrase carefully. "As I said, I'm usually more prepared, I haven't let my pain get this bad in so long..." she trailed off, reminiscing.

"What do you mean, pain?" Abby was suddenly very curious. "Pain is bad, like really bad. I mean you just took like what, 4 tablets? That can't be good for you; shouldn't you go and see a doctor or something? It could be serious!"

"No, no, no, no, no," Ziva gave Abby a reassuring smile. "It's not serious at all. It's just before... you know..." She waved her hands in a gesture, hinting at something she wasn't saying. Abby understood. "Oh, ok. Wow, you must really have it bad."

"Yes, you could say that, but Tony is making it worse, not physically, obviously, but I have never met anyone more annoying in my life!" Grumbled Ziva.

"It's ok," soothed Abby. "What did he do?"

"Well, first he was all smug and dumb, the usual story. Then, he teased me about needing Panadol, then, he made irritating noises. Next, he came over and kicked my desk and dropped all of my pens on the floor – _after_ I told him to go away. He also made fun of me being in pain –oh! He also went through my desk drawer, not today, but some time ago, and took some of my things - _including_," she paused to catch her breath. "Including my tampons. I mean, how could he be so inconsiderate? He _DOESN'T_ need them!"

"Oww," Abby sympathised. "That's BAD. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No, that's ok; I'll just take them back later." Ziva decided. "Just don't remind him."

"Ok," smiled Abby and Ziva knew she had made the right choice in trusting her. Still Abby needed to know more. "But, I still don't get it. When did this... this pain start? You really should see a doctor, that much medication _can't_ be good for you."

Ziva sighed. "Well yes, I do admit that that was probably a bit too much. Usually if I take it at the start of the day I only need 2 then and 2 at lunchtime, so it balances out. I've seen a doctor and there's nothing I can do except take the painkillers."

"Yeah, but has it always been this bad?" Abby was concerned for her friend.

"Well..." starts Ziva, taking a big breath. "The short answer, no." Just as the Goth was about to open her mouth in protest at this less-than-satisfactory explanation, she added, "But would you like to hear the whole story?" She paused while Abby nodded, her pigtails bouncing up and down as she did so. "Well the first few times I got... well it was fine, and then gradually the pain got worse and worse so I started taking painkillers and that made it better. Except for once, this is as bad as it has been." Ziva was starting to cry, but Abby waited for her to continue. "I was 17, and on a mission for my father with four other men. We-we were hiding out, and s-supposed to be totally silent. I-it was the change of shifts and I went to bed, we were sh-sharing one small room, and there was n-no privacy. I was s-so tired that I fell asleep straight away. T-the next thing I knew, I w-woke up screaming. I-I nearly blew t-the whole mission!" Ziva was sobbing, hurt, ashamed and alone. "No one knew w-what was going on – I w-wasn't supposed to-to show emotion, e-especially not around them, and th-they all told me to be quiet, b-but I couldn't; the pain was unimaginable."

Abby looked shocked and gave her another hug. The distressed agent didn't respond. She paused and then pulled Ziva onto her knees, like a mother comforting their child. "It's all right." She soothed, as she kissed Ziva on the forehead and whispered in her ear; "Just cry, Ziva. You know I'm always here for you and I don't think any less of you – we're all human, you father could never take that out of you. Even you're allowed to cry, so just cry."

Ziva was moved and cried harder, pushing all her hurt and emotion into Abby. Who hugged her closer and rocked her gently back and forth, humming a lullaby, as if she were trying to put Ziva to sleep.

Eventually, Ziva's sobs died down and she dozed off. Abby rested her cheek on Ziva's head and closed her eyes. The opened, however, when she heard the quiet click of her lad door being opened. _'That'd better not be Tony.'_ She thought. Luckily, it wasn't; it was Ducky. He looked startled and concerned to see the tear-streaked Ziva asleep in Abby's arms. His expression changed to one of confusion and sympathy, but from under the makeup, Abby's expression told him this was not a good time; she knew Ziva would be embarrassed if anyone else saw her like this. Ducky, being the kind man he was, understood and left the two in peace.

After some time, Ziva woke up. "Are you feeling any better?" asked Abby.

"A bit," replied Ziva. "The Panadol is working. Abby, thank you, so much. That meant the world to me, but how long was I asleep for?"

"Nearly an hour," said Abby. "It's almost 2:30."

Ziva moved back onto her own chair. "Well, I'm here for another two and a half hours, so I'm just going to sit here with you. I can't go and face Tony, not again today. But first, if you'll excuse me, I need the ladies' room."

Abby nodded as she left, thinking over what Ziva had said, and how bad it must have been, not having anyone to go to. She also thought about killing Tony if he said or did anything like this again.

Minutes later, Ziva returned refreshed, face clean and feeling better than she had all morning. She now had the rest of the afternoon to spend with her best and only friend. "What are you working on?" she asked the Goth.

"Not much, just waiting for results; you can't rush Science!" Abby's signature catchphrase. Her usual bounce somewhat dampened with concern for the agent sitting across from her. "What's going on, honey? Something is still up."

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this." Ziva was ashamed. "Thank you for listening, you, you are a true friend. I trust you, Abigail."

To hear words like these is special, but Abby's heart was melted to hear them from a Mossad – (ex) Mossad – assassin. "I miss Kate. We became very close. She used to come down here all the time and then we would take for hours. She was... not without her problems." Abby smiled sadly at the memory of her best friend.

Ziva raised an eyebrow and tilted her head. "Really?"

**Well that's all I have so far. Please review and/or send me a message for an ending. I have no idea.**


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